Sense & Sensitivity

Nice Guy Does Not Enjoy Spontaneity on Dates

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’ve been dating a man who is the quintessential nice guy. He calls me a lot. He asks me out on dates every weekend. He has great manners.

On paper, he is everything a girl could want. The problem is, I am bored out of my mind. He is so predictable. I understand this should be great, but I want to have my guy make things exciting, at least a little.

I tried to light the spark by suggesting different kinds of dates, but he is clear about what he wants to do, when the date begins and when it ends. I am spontaneous, at least a bit, and he doesn’t seem to have room for that.

I know we aren’t a perfectly matched couple, but I do like him. How can I get him to think more collaboratively? It is nice to have company, so I don’t want to push him away. -- Rev Him Up, White Plains, New York

DEAR REV HIM UP: Ask yourself if nice is enough. It doesn’t sound like it to me. If you want more, be willing to ask for more. Be honest. Tell him you want to mix things up a bit. Ask him to consider being more collaborative. Think about trying to get closer to him rather than pushing him away. Say as much to him.

Now is the time to get to know him better. He may be cautious about what you do on dates because he is watching his budget. Suggest free or affordable activities that are fun, like apple picking or hiking around a lake and bringing a bag lunch.

If he doesn’t budge for any new idea, rethink whether he’s your guy. You deserve a date who is willing to consider your ideas too.

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