DEAR HARRIETTE: I've been bitten by the DIY bug. I redid a dining table and realized we can save so much money by putting a little elbow grease into things we own already. However, my wife disapproves of my new hobby because "it's easier to buy something instead of wasting your time." I acknowledged we didn't need to do the DIY project out of necessity, but because it was fun. We're currently debating why I can't build us a couch instead of buying one. How do I get my wife on the DIY craze? -- Do It on My Own, Berkeley, California
DEAR DO IT ON MY OWN: You two need to come to a meeting of the minds. To get your wife to begin to like your new hobby, you have to create boundaries. Tell her how much you love the DIY scene and that it is bringing you tremendous joy. Ask her to indulge you the space to work on projects around the house. Tell her it is important to you to have her blessing. Ask her what you can do so that she will feel comfortable.
For example, if she really wants to buy a new couch, acquiesce to her if in turn she will give you the freedom to build something else. Try to get your wife to agree on projects before you start them, so that she feels like she still has a say in what goes into her house. People can become irrationally territorial when they feel that their turf is threatened. If the home was once her domain, your new interest in building things for it may have gotten her off balance. By acknowledging that and ensuring her that you are not trying to take over, but, instead, hoping to contribute, you may be able to win her over.
(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)