DEAR HARRIETTE: I'm a woman, and I have a close male friend who is married. Recently, my boyfriend and I have been having a lot of disagreements and, in the heat of an argument, I suggested that we have an open relationship. I didn't really mean it and I've apologized for making that comment, but now, every time I bring up my male friend, my boyfriend gets angry.
I confide in my male friend a lot. We talk every day. I don't want to lose my friendship, but I don't want to lose my relationship either. Help! -- Not Open Relationship, Tampa, Florida
DEAR NOT OPEN RELATIONSHIP: Chances are, your relationship with your "close male friend" felt like a threat to your boyfriend, even before your disagreement. Your boyfriend may perceive you and your friend as sharing a closeness that you and your boyfriend do not have. After you introduced the idea of an open relationship -- a term that normally comes from married people who want to have affairs -- your boyfriend might have naturally thought your sights were set on this man. He would be your obvious choice for a more intimate relationship.
Do you secretly want to cross that line with your good friend? Or does he want to cross the line with you? If you are considering this, are you ready to deal with the fact that your friend is married and, therefore, unavailable? You need to be crystal clear on where you and this guy stand in order to be honest with your boyfriend. Start by being honest with yourself.
Is this friendship worth compromising your relationship, or worse, your integrity should you dare to cross the line? Step back and consider it all before you move forward.