DEAR HARRIETTE: One of my friends really embarrassed me at a joint lunch I was having. She brought up something I assumed I told her in confidence, only to find out she had told other people. I then had a talk with her, and I feel like it didn't help anything. She has too hard of a time saying "I'm sorry." She does not feel as though she did anything wrong, and she accused me of wanting to talk about the embarrassing moment again because I told her how she offended me! She told me I can tell one of her secrets if I so please, but I am just so bothered by the fact that she won't admit her wrongdoing. If I tell her what I want her to say, it will be moot because I know she won't mean it. Should I just blab about a faux pas of hers? I want to be even with her, and since she won't apologize, I feel like this is all I can do. -- Eye for an Eye, Dallas
DEAR EYE FOR AN EYE: Rather than trying to get even, you should try to learn a lesson here. If you do not want someone to repeat a confidence, keep it to yourself. This is much easier said than done. The truth is, though, that the only way you can be assured that your secrets are safe is to never speak them. Shy of that, you must choose more carefully whom to tell your innermost thoughts. Do not pick someone who is a talker. Chatty people chat and often reveal other people's private stories on accident.
Let go of your desire to get her to apologize. What's done is done. Just remember not to tell her any more secrets. And do not tell any of hers. That will not be satisfying for anyone.