DEAR HARRIETTE: I hosted Thanksgiving for my family this year. Part of my family left dinner early to prepare for Black Friday shopping. I was livid. How could you value materialistic things over family time? We don't get together often, but I was told the savings were just "too good." I am disappointed. Do these shoppers deserve an invitation to Christmas? It's about family, not the presents. -- Not on My Watch, Fort Lauderdale, Florida
DEAR NOT ON MY WATCH: The lure of Black Friday is real for many people. While the deals are often good, I do find it to be gimmicky, and I hate that many sales start on Thanksgiving Day. Cutting into family time is not a good idea, in my book.
Rather than uninvite the offending family members, let them know how disappointed you were in their behavior. Remind them of how rarely you get together as a family and that you hope that next year they will put family first. Point out that they can shop the next day, just not in the middle of your family's Thanksgiving celebration.
To ensure that they will be active participants at Christmas, warmly invite them to join the festivities and let them know the agenda. This is important for everyone, especially young adults who may want to dash off to see friends or participate in other activities toward the end of the day. You should not try to monitor their time excessively, or you will create animosity. It is OK to let them know that you hope they will choose family first for the core time of the family engagement.
(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)