DEAR HARRIETTE: How old must someone be for me to stand up and let him or her take my seat? For example, I was sitting on the bus, and two middle-aged men got on after me and didn't have a seat. I am younger than them by a few decades, so I debated standing up so one of them could sit on the journey. I didn't end up doing it because I didn't want to offend anyone with assumptions about their age or health. I want to know what the right thing to do is for next time. -- Take a Seat, New York City
DEAR TAKE A SEAT: Great question. I have had that very experience of offering a seat to an older man, who seemed offended by my offer. My suggestion is that you play it by ear. In the case of your two gentlemen, unless one of them had a cane or was otherwise obviously infirm, it is best to leave them alone. Offering to one man and not the other could create an unintended setup for endless chiding between them about who is feeble.
Generally, when you are riding public transportation, survey your surroundings constantly. When someone gets on board who seems like he or she would benefit from a seat -- regardless of the person's age -- immediately and quietly offer to give up your seat. If the person passes, do not make a fuss of it. By the way, a parent and young child are often better seated than standing and wiggling everywhere.