DEAR HARRIETTE: I don't trust my daughter's ex-husband with my grandchildren. She has more parental rights than he does, but I find myself so nervous whenever my grandbabies spend the weekend with him. He has a history of substance abuse, but my daughter claims she knows her children are safe. Harriette, I've tried prying, but my daughter seems so certain and tells me to stop trying to make her nervous. He is supposedly sober and has been for months, but I just don't like them spending time with him unsupervised. Do you think I can invite myself over to his house and see how he's treating my grandchildren? I would never forgive myself if something happened to them under his watch. -- He's Not a Good Father, Memphis, Tennessee
DEAR HE'S NOT A GOOD FATHER: Trust your instincts. If you want to stop by unannounced on one of his weekends, go for it. You should bring food for everyone or a game everyone can play -- something that shows your support. Even as you are suspicious, it is best to be supportive of him because he is their father. As long as he has the chance of interacting with them, you want him to welcome you into his life so that you can watch out for them. If you see evidence of abuse when you visit, be sure to tell your daughter and the police.
(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)