DEAR HARRIETTE: My boyfriend and I run in different social circles. His friends are a louder, wilder bunch, whereas my friends prefer more intimate and silly gatherings. I do not mind how my boyfriend's friends like to socialize, but I never enjoy myself when he drags me along to the gatherings. We are simply different types of social beings. Recently, his friends have been questioning him as to why my friends do not hang out with them. The truth is that none of my friends want to spend time in the environments they create. Is there any polite way to relay this message, or do we just keep avoiding and hope they take the hint? -- Not Quite Social Butterflies, Orlando, Florida
DEAR NOT QUITE SOCIAL BUTTERFLIES: This is a tricky situation that could have major implications if you and your boyfriend decide to get serious, mainly because interacting with friends is a significant part of a relationship. While you may not love the way that his friends hang out, it is a good idea for you to hang out with them sometimes. Corralling your friends to come along is another matter, however. You can tell your boyfriend that your friends are more low-key than his bunch, so they prefer not to join his gatherings. You can tell him that their gatherings are not your cup of tea, either, although you will come sometimes to support him.
Ideally, you need to figure out a happy medium where you spend some time with him and his friends and he spends some time with you and your friends. Otherwise, you will face a chasm down the line.