DEAR HARRIETTE: I went out to dinner with a couple of friends, and during our conversation, things got kind of deep. We were talking about our lives and what's been going on. One friend recently lost her mother, and she was feeling particularly vulnerable. When it was her turn to talk, I thought she would tell us about her mom or talk about what she's been going through. Instead, she asked all of us a question: She wanted to know if we had any regrets in our lives. She said that while she was watching her mother die, she kept thinking about how much she had been working and how she took time off only in the last couple months of her mother's life to really be with her. She said she regretted not being there for her more. She wanted to know what we thought about our own lives. It got me to thinking, and I spiraled into a bad place.
I have a thousand regrets: I am not in the job I want. I am still single. I hardly ever see my friends. The list is long -- so long it feels like there's nothing I can do about it. Do you have a suggestion for how to climb out of the regrets into a better place? -- Losing Regrets, Seattle
DEAR LOSING REGRETS: Replace counting your regrets with counting your blessings. What you focus on is what will guide your life. Do not get caught up in what has not worked out for you. There is no value in that.
It is understandable that your friend was caught, at least momentarily, in that space since her mother died. All kinds of emotions bubble up after such loss. But you do not have to fall into that place. Whenever your "failures" come top of mind, look for the blessings, even in those experiences. And forge your life forward. Practice gratitude. It will help be a salve for your pain.