DEAR HARRIETTE: My son is 3 years old and has just started the horrible testing process to get admitted into New York City schools. I can't believe how intense it is for little children to be considered for independent schools. To get into charter schools mainly requires a lottery, which is even more random. I so want my son to go to a great school, but I don't want to stress him out in the process. What can I do to calm myself so that I don't get him upset? -- On the Education Tightrope, Brooklyn, New York
DEAR ON THE EDUCATION TIGHTROPE: I remember when my daughter was in this position, and it was unbelievably stressful for us as parents. What we did was to talk out of earshot of her about our anxieties. We also reached out for tips from as many families as we knew who had already gone through the process. We identified what our catchment school would be -- the public school to which we were zoned -- so that we would know where our daughter would be going if we didn't get in anywhere else. This served as a reality check.
We did not get coaching, but some families do hire coaches to support their children in test-taking. I thought that was a bit extreme for a 3-year-old, but it has worked for some people. Mainly, we encouraged our daughter to have fun in the interviews. We decided if she did not receive a 97 on a school test that didn't mean she wasn't smart. You have to manage your expectations because the stakes are so high.