DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a successful woman in my early 30s. I am single and have been going on many dates, trying to find a husband. I am never sure about who should get the check from dinner, because I am not sure who makes more money of the pair. If it is me, should I be footing the bill? I do not want to grab at the check, but I also do not want my date to think I am ungrateful or unwilling to contribute. Some of my girlfriends insist that I let the man pay to preserve his ego and make it a "real" date, while others insist that in 2015 a woman should feel comfortable splitting the bill without losing the romance of the date. Am I ungrateful or traditional for allowing a man to pay? Should I be grabbing for the check more often? -- First Date Blunder, Gallup, New Mexico
DEAR FIRST DATE BLUNDER: Dating etiquette can seem impossible to understand, let alone follow. Who should pay on the first date is at the top of the list of questions for many people. What you should do first is decide how you feel about this. Yes, the traditional way is for the man to pay for the first date. I used to feel strongly about this being the right choice, but my views are changing with the times. If your objective is to find a life partner, think more holistically about your dating life. Even on a first date, talk about your goals and desires. Put on the table your question about who should pay. Make it a topic of conversation that will reveal how each of you thinks about gender roles in relationships. What you don't want to do is change your opinion based on the man you are dating. Be clear about where you stand and ready to state it.