DEAR HARRIETTE: My 20-year-old son is in a serious relationship with his girlfriend. They have been dating for two years now, but they are still in college. They would like to get married, but my husband and I are opposed to it because they are still very young. However, his girlfriend's parents are encouraging them to get married right away. Since they are over 18, we do not have a say, but we really think that they should wait until they graduate from college. We are scared that if they get married now, they may drop out of college and waste everything they have worked for. We do not know what to do. -- Concerned Parents, San Diego
DEAR CONCERNED PARENTS: Since you cannot control their actions, rather than continuing to say no to your son and his girlfriend, take a different tack. Start listening to them. Ask them what their plans are. Find out if they have a strategy for the next few years. When do they want to get married? Do they plan to finish school? When do they want to have children? How will they support each other? Ask, but do not interrogate them.
Make it clear to them that you are no longer trying to tell them what to do, but you want to understand what they intend to do so that you can do your best to support their success.