DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a widow. My husband passed away five years ago. I am ready to start dating again, or at least having male company. I am not young. I'm 78 years old, but I am still healthy and want to enjoy my life. My problem is that many of the people who were my friends for 30 years have kept their distance since my husband died. It feels like they think I might steal their husbands. That's ridiculous! I would never consider such a thing. There are a few men in my community who are widowed or otherwise single. I see them at the local community center, and I used to see them at friends' gatherings. I would like two things: to have someone to take me out on occasion and, more, to have my friends back. How can I make this happen? -- Widowed but Not Dead, Annapolis, Md.
DEAR WIDOWED BUT NOT DEAD: Even in old age, there typically are more women than men in the dating pool. Whether it's due to jealousy, insecurity or who knows what else, some married women do feel threatened by single women, including widows. To the extent that you can, your job is to assure your friends that you love and miss them and want to rekindle your friendship with absolutely no intention of making designs on their husbands. Host a gathering at your home where you invite your once-closest friends. You may have to work to break the ice, but it should be possible to soften some of their hearts.
Further, put yourself out there as you have been doing by going to social events where single senior men are present. Be courageous enough to talk to them. If you are up to it, invite someone you find interesting to coffee. You may want to expand your possibilities by looking at men who are a bit younger than you. Have fun!