DEAR HARRIETTE: I have become friendly with a woman in my building who has a really good heart, but she is rough around the edges. She is so incredibly loud when she talks that I can hear her way before she gets to my door. She just talks at a super-high level. I feel like I almost need earplugs to be around her. I'm not sure what I can do about it. I can tell that she doesn't realize she is so loud. She didn't grow up with a family full of kids or anything. Who knows what's up with her, but I can't take it. I have never said anything before about her tone of voice, but I'm afraid that if I don't say anything, I will just have to avoid her. -- My Head Hurts, Denver
DEAR MY HEAD HURTS: It is not rude for you to tell your friend that she is talking too loud. Consider it self-preservation. Be direct with her. Ask her to lower her voice. Explain that you have noticed that especially when she gets excited about something she raises her voice and sometimes it's just too loud. Ask her for permission for you to give her a signal to lower her voice. For example, you can literally use your hand to show her that you would like her to bring the volume down.
If she agrees, know that it will take a while for her to be able to honor your request. If she has been talking loudly for years, that is her natural volume. You may also suggest that she have a hearing test. Sometimes people speak loudly when they have compromised hearing.