DEAR HARRIETTE: I am about to go on a third date with a lovely woman. I feel like she is really special, and I think she likes me. I am a guy who likes to take things slow, and I think she likes that too. The thing is, I don't want her to put me in the "friend" box just because I'm not making moves on her. We have held hands a couple of times and generally been close but we haven't kissed or anything yet. I want to take my time. I was married before, and it didn't work out. I am not so much interested in dating around. I want to find a partner, but I think it's smart to take my time to see how we get along. How can I let her know that I like her romantically without doing anything romantic yet? -- Taking it Slow, Brooklyn, New York
DEAR TAKING IT SLOW: It may be refreshing to your date that you aren't "making moves" so quickly. You are right, though, that you should make it clear to her that you do like her, especially if you are the kind of guy who often becomes "the friend."
Why not tell her? On your next date, you can say how much you enjoy her company and how much you like getting to know her. Be upfront about who you are. If you have your sights set on finding a partner with whom you can share your life, you can say as much. Tell her that you want to get to know her so that you can both see if you are a good fit for each other. Ask her what she is looking for and what she wants for the future. Talk about your dreams and desires. By being open about what's on your mind and your heart, you lay the foundation for true intimacy. The physical nature of intimacy will find its place in due time. The spiritual connection should come first.