DEAR HARRIETTE: My daughter had a falling-out with her best friend at school. Thankfully, she texted me to tell me about it. She was very open in expressing how upset she was that her friend was being unfair in a situation that involved a group of their friends and a likely misunderstanding. My daughter is 11 and just learning how to manage conflicts in her friendships. She asked me to stay out of it, at least for now, and if it would be all right to talk it over with me but to keep it to myself. She said she would ask for help if she needed it. I am blown away by how grown up she is acting right now. She was clearly upset about what her friend said to her, but she sounded confident that she would be able to handle it on her own, or at least try. What should I do as her parent during this ordeal? How often should I check up with her about it? I don't want to be a nag, but the situation is truly unpleasant. -- Supportive Mom, Washington, D.C.
DEAR SUPPORTIVE MOM: If there is no time limit on the situation at hand, just check with her on a daily basis. Ask her how she is doing, if she has talked to her friend and if they have reached any resolution. Without prying, drum up conversation. You may even want to start the conversation about other things, such as homework, after-school activities or whatever else is normally top of mind for your daughter.
If you sense that she seems unhappy, uncomfortable or uncertain, jump in and ask her if she needs your help. Sometimes you do need to put it out there directly, as a lifeline of support. You want to protect your daughter from bullying without being too overprotective. By establishing daily open communication with her in general, you will create a comfortable environment to discuss tough things, too.