DEAR HARRIETTE: I am going to visit a family for the weekend. Every time we go there, we take a little gift, usually cookies that my kids and I make. It occurred to me that the family may not like this gift, because even if we are there for three or four days, they never serve the cookies. I know that people aren't obligated to immediately or ever use a houseguest's gift, but I suspect that cookies are not a popular choice.
What do you recommend that we take? I have three young children who like to do crafts, so we could make something else. -- Giftable Guest, Jackson, Miss.
DEAR GIFTABLE GUEST: I like the idea of mixing up the gift ideas, especially if you didn't get raves about your past choice. Ask your children for ideas. What do they like to make these days?
I recommend that you and your kids think of small-scale gifts. As you might imagine, your hosts may not want a wall-size clock or other big craft. Instead, it may be better to make soap, a candle or a drawing that reflects the good times you have had in the past or plan to have in the future. If your children have collected rocks, shells or other items during the summer, they may want to make a collage.
The point of the gift is to show that you care about your host. It doesn't need to be something that they feel obligated to display in their home. More, it should be something that brings a smile to their faces.
DEAR HARRIETTE: You forgot to add one important bit of advice to "Can't Breathe" (whose aunt dropped off her cat without notice, even though she is allergic to felines): Take the cat to a vet and board it! She should include the boarding bill with the cat when her aunt comes back and explain that while she loves helping her aunt, her health is important, too.
If the cat were staying only a couple of days, "Can't Breathe" might be able to tough it out. But if the aunt is gone for a week or more, the woman risks respiratory distress and may end up in the hospital.
I think the aunt was taking advantage of a relative, and not in an unconscious way. She didn't want to hear the word "no" and gave her niece no chance to say it. Plus, you don't take an out-of-the-country trip on a whim. She had plenty of time to make other arrangements. The aunt didn't want to pay to board her cat and chose to board her pet for free with her niece.
The allergy problem isn't just when the cat is physically there. The leftover loose hairs that can take days to get rid of after the cat is gone are also a problem. I love cats, by the way! -- Practical, Chicago
DEAR PRACTICAL: Boarding the cat is a perfect idea. And you are absolutely right about the lingering dander that can wreak havoc on someone allergic to cats.