DEAR HARRIETTE: My mom passed away five years ago. It has been really hard for me and my family, because she held us together. It has been especially difficult for my dad, because my mom usually had the final say in situations.
My dad remarried a year ago, about the time I left for college. She was nice and made my dad happy, so I was happy.
I came home for summer vacation along with my brother, who was also away at school. During our time home, everything changed. My stepmom now thinks she has the final say in our family. She is constantly getting on me and my brother about everything. I'm trying to make do since I'll be leaving for school in a month, but it can be unbearable at times. I'm afraid I'm going to break any second, and I don't want to hurt my dad. What should I do or say? -- Friction at Home, Cincinnati
DEAR FRICTION AT HOME: Getting along with a stepparent takes time. It is natural for you and your brother to bristle over the way your stepmother is behaving, yet her behavior should not be a surprise. She is playing the same role your mother did for all her years, which is something your father probably has asked her to do.
You should work to establish a relationship with your stepmother. Rather than resign yourself to just "making do," ask her if you can have a candid conversation. Tell her that you are happy that she and your father found each other and are building a life together. Explain that you would like to get to know her better.
Acknowledge that you respect her, but tell her that you do not appreciate the way she bears down so hard on you and your brother. Ask her to choose to build a relationship with you so that you can grow to love each other just as she and your father already do.
Speak to your father as well so that he understands your point of view. Because he was never the one to stand up in these situations, though, it's not likely that he is going to be the assertive one now. A book that may inspire you is "Stepmothers and Stepdaughters" by Karen L. Annarino.
DEAR HARRIETTE: My ex-boyfriend invited me to go to lunch with him and I went, mainly because I miss him. We broke up a few months ago because we were both so busy with school and were not spending enough time together, or at least that's what he told me. When he called to ask me to lunch, I got excited that he wanted to get back together.
When I got to the restaurant, he wasn't alone. It turns out he wanted to introduce me to his fiancee. I was so uncomfortable. I sat quietly and acted nice, but I am devastated. Should I say anything to him? --Brokenhearted, Washington, D.C.
DEAR BROKENHEARTED: Let him go. Spend time with your girlfriends and other loved ones and expunge him from your heart. It's not worth addressing unless he calls you again. Then you can tell him you didn't appreciate the way he broke this news to you.