DEAR HARRIETTE: This will be my senior year in college, and I have decided to quit my job as a resident assistant. As a result, I will be giving up my single dorm room and will now have a roommate!
How do I make the transition from having my own space to sharing a small space with a stranger? -- Two Is a Crowd, Salt Lake City
DEAR TWO IS A CROWD: I want you to think back on your years as a resident assistant. What did you learn about the roommate experience that can benefit you now? I'm sure you witnessed all kinds of interaction between roommates and floor mates. In your role, you likely also intervened to support students when they faced interpersonal challenges. All of that experience can help to guide you now.
Having a roommate can be daunting. But it also can be a rewarding experience. Many people remain close to their college roommates for life. Choose the mindset that you will have a positive experience. You will learn how to share, be patient and support this other person.
Remember that this is short-term; you have one year to live with this person. I would look at it also as good practice. Many college graduates have roommates for a few years before they get married or increase their salaries enough to live on their own. This experience may help you tremendously as you transition into adulthood.
DEAR HARRIETTE: What do you think of parents who send their daughter off to her freshman year of college with the statement: "Don't call us; we'll call you. We need time to get used to you being gone." They then did not call for a month. -- Wondering, Washington, D.C.
DEAR WONDERING: I think the parents' approach to their daughter's departure is odd. At the same time, I have learned that one of the oddest times in a family's life is when the children go away to school. Family members often face all kinds of attachment issues. The ways in which parents and children address the dramatic changes that occur when a grown child moves on vary widely.
What these parents said and did may seem harsh. Perhaps they were trying to use tough love to ensure that their daughter would hunker down and get involved in campus life and not use them as a crutch. Still, if their behavior hurt their daughter's feelings or made her feel uncomfortable, by all means, she should tell them.
Young adults should let their parents know what they want their relationship to be like. If they want to talk once a week or more, spell it out. If they simply want an open-door relationship where they can connect with parents whenever they feel the need, they should say as much. Young adults need to negotiate the terms of their evolving relationship.