DEAR HARRIETTE: I would like to encourage my father to stop drinking alcoholic beverages. Ever since I was a child, I can remember my dad having a drink in his hand. I am now 40 years old and he is 62, and I would like for him to stop and live the best life possible.
He works as a doorman, and I visited him the other day. While I was standing with him, one of the tenants said he would be bringing my dad his bottle a little later. I couldn't believe my ears. I'm afraid my father might lose his job if he drinks at work, too. What can I say to encourage him to stop drinking? -- Daddy's Boy, Chicago
DEAR DADDY'S BOY: I'm sure you already know that you cannot actually get someone to stop drinking if he or she doesn't want to stop. You can bring it up, though.
You could tell your father that you know he has been a drinker for years and that you are concerned about his health. Tell your father you love him and want him to be healthy. Express your concern that his constant drinking over so many years is wearing on his body.
Add that you heard the exchange with the tenant and that you worry he might lose his job if he drinks at work.
There's no way to know how your father will respond. But it would be good to at least voice your concerns out loud to him.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I was invited to a party at the home of a friend. When I called to see if another friend was attending, I learned that she was not. Instead, she and another friend of mine are going to a different party. I agreed to go to the first party only because I thought I would be with these friends, whom I really like.
I don't know how to handle this. Should I tell my friends that I would rather hang out with them? I wasn't invited to go to the other party, even after I made a couple of suggestive remarks to feel out an invitation. What should I do? -- Feeling Rejected, Laredo, Texas
DEAR FEELING REJECTED: If you have already attempted to get yourself invited to the other party and your friends didn't take the bait, leave it alone. As uncomfortable as this may be, there is no reason to think that you should be invited to everything that your friends attend.
Why not go to the event to which you were invited and enjoy yourself? If you focus on what's before you rather than belaboring the lack of an invitation to the other event, you will be more comfortable. When you step back, you will see that the others are still your friends, even if you missed out on this particular activity.