DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a friend who constantly borrows things from me without asking. If he's at my house, he will use my stereo or my Xbox without asking. I find it very rude, but I don't want to sound mean. What should I do? --It's My Stuff, Jackson, Miss.
DEAR IT'S MY STUFF: I don't exactly consider (BEGIN ITALS)using(END ITALS) your stereo or Xbox the same as (BEGIN ITALS)borrowing(END ITALS) them. Your friend probably has no idea that you consider it a violation for him to use your electronics when he is at your house. I bet he thinks you are a great host to even have them so that he can enjoy himself.
If it truly irks you that he uses your electronics -- or anything else at your home -- without first asking, you can either put them away or tell him they are off-limits for now. You could also tell him he has to ask you first before using them, but since you have not told him that before, he may become confused as to why it's an issue now.
If he hogs your electronics so that you cannot enjoy them with him, that's another issue. If that is the case, you can tell him after a period of time that it's your turn.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I have had feelings for this guy, "Frank," for a long time. He and I have had a history of flirting and having feelings for each other.
He recently got a girlfriend, and he still continues to flirt with me. It makes me uncomfortable, but he claims that it is not wrong to flirt with other people while in a relationship. I think it is wrong and don't reciprocate. I feel guilty, though, because he still flirts. What should I do? -- Flirted Out, Shreveport, La.
DEAR FLIRTED OUT: If you still have feelings for Frank, that could be why you feel guilty. If your feelings are unresolved, it may even hurt your feelings that he now has a girlfriend. Whatever the case may be, you are not able to control Frank's actions.
He has told you that basically he can have his cake and eat it, too. He can actually accomplish that only if you respond in a positive way to his flirtation. So continue to ignore his overtures as you have been.
If you feel the need to say anything to him because he continues to flirt with you, tell him that he made his choice. You can tell him that you had thought the two of you might explore your feelings for each other, but now that he has decided to choose someone else to be his girlfriend, all bets are off with you.
I'm sorry he didn't make the choice that you seem to have wanted, but now is your time to accept the facts and move on. Continuing to flirt with this man will only prolong your bruised feelings.