DEAR HARRIETTE: I was on the subway talking to a friend, and the conversation turned to politics. We were quite excited as we talked about the presidential election and all the things that have been happening between the candidates. I think we were too loud. We absolutely had our opinions, and I noticed that some of the people on the train didn't share them. Nobody said anything, but I could tell they were ready to pounce.
What's the better thing to do? Talk about politics in public or only in private spaces? -- Jazzed About Politics, Jersey City, N.J.
DEAR JAZZED ABOUT POLITICS: There are differing views on this subject. Just as it's not recommended that you talk about politics, race or religion over a meal or in a social setting, the old-school rules say you shouldn't debate presidential politics on the subway. You are in a confined area where people likely do not want to hear what you're talking about, whatever it is. Politics can be such a hot button; it can be easy to incite rage or intense emotion in others around you.
That said, I am actually in favor of healthy, respectful engagement as it relates to this election. I want people to talk about their ideas and be prepared to stand up for what they believe. This doesn't mean you should blast out commuters with loud talk. It does mean you shouldn't have to be in the quiet or privacy of your home. If you can speak at a respectful level on a subway car, express your opinions and not drown out others, who knows where that conversation can lead? The most important thing for you to remember is that everyone has an opinion, and they all are worthy of being heard.
DEAR HARRIETTE: Last week I went to visit my grandmother for the annual Sunday night family dinner. We had a great time, and nobody wanted to go home. But before I left my grandmother's house, she pulled me aside to ask if I had something for her. That's her way of saying, "Do you have any money for me?" She asks everyone the same question every time we come over to the house. One time, she even asked my girlfriend for money.
My grandmother is out of control, and I need some advice. How do I tell her that asking my girlfriend for money is inappropriate? How do I get my grandmother to stop asking us for money every time? -- Grandson, Memphis, Tenn.
DEAR GRANDSON: The rules used to be that family members would always come bearing gifts of cash -- in whatever amount -- to female family elders. Thus, your grandmother is not doing anything unusual in her book.
Drawing the line with your girlfriend, however, seems acceptable. Speak to your grandmother privately and tell her that it makes you uncomfortable for her to ask your girlfriend for anything. Ask Grandma to reserve her requests for the family. Then, even if you bring a couple of dollars she should be satisfied. Pre-empt her question by handing her an envelope.