ANN COULTER by Ann Coulter

MEET ELIZABETH DOLE, THE DEMOCRAT

Well, there's good news and bad news coming out of the Iowa straw polls. Lamar! Is Quitting! -- his quixotic, some would say preposterous, quest for the presidency. That's the good news. But the bad news is we haven't gotten rid of Liddy Dole yet. Since she's a Democrat and she's running in a Republican primary, it's only a matter of time. But for now, she's still with us.

Though she registers high on name recognition on account of her famous husband (you know him from all those "erectile dysfunction" commercials), she surprised a lot of Republicans by coming in a distant third behind George Bush Jr. and Steve Forbes. But observe carefully the statements of her supporters.

One of Liddy's backers explained his vote for Dole in the Iowa straw poll by noting that he was a Democrat. Quoted in The New York Times, this Democrat for Liddy Dole, Dennis Endicott, said that he voted for her in order to weaken support for the Republican front-runner, W, and to hurt him in the general election -- the general election in which Mr. Endicott will vote for the Democrat. This is not an isolated incident. A few days later, The Washington Post quoted a Dole enthusiast in New Hampshire who was torn between Dole and Bill Bradley. Bradley, you'll recall, is a candidate for president in the Democratic primary.

It's somewhat surprising that Democrats so easily recognize Dole as one of their own in light of her steadfast refusal to take positions on much of anything. After actually forgetting what her own position was on federal funding for abortion, she accused the press of using the abortion issue to "stir Republicans up so they're fighting each other. ... I just don't think we want to go down that path." Things would be so much easier if the Republican candidates simply distinguished themselves on things such as Best Fruit Punch for the Fraternity Mixer.

But let's be fair -- Dole has clearly articulated positions on a variety of subjects, such as the military (she's for strength and readiness), education (she's for disciplining ruffians) and national security (she opposes allowing the Chinese to steal nuclear secrets). That will be helpful in distinguishing her from the candidates who favor an anemic military, permissive education and spying by the Red Chinese.

W, the front-runner, hasn't exactly been a fountain of specific policy proposals either. But that's because he is "W, the front-runner." When you're already everyone's favorite Rorschach blot, laying out the particulars can only hurt you.

In Dole's case, it's not that she already has all the support and money she needs; it's that clarity on her positions won't be a big help in a Republican primary. She's a Democrat. Iowa's over. Now she needs actual Republicans to vote for her.

Calling Dole a Democrat isn't an epithet; it's just a fact. I have nothing against Democrats, per se -- I just don't want them in office. But mainly, I can't figure out what a Democrat would be doing in a Republican primary.

Let's review the evidence on Liddy's party affiliation. After graduating from Harvard Law School (that's your first hint), Dole went straight to Washington to be a government bureaucrat with the Department of Health, Education and Welfare. She was a registered Democrat.

Still a registered Democrat, Dole's next perch was on President Lyndon Johnson's committee on consumer affairs. She stayed on in that office when President Nixon came in, switching her party affiliation (BEGIN ITALS)not(END ITALS) to become a Republican, but an independent.

Only when she married Bob Dole, who in his pre-Viagra days was known as "tax collector for the welfare state," did Liddy finally register as a Republican. As a "Republican" she became Ronald Reagan's secretary of transportation, officially establishing herself as every administration's Favorite Woman Cabinet Member. At transportation, she was responsible for such great Republican policies as forcing all the states to impose 55 mph speed limits.

Still not persuaded? One morning she stopped all employees of the Department of Transportation at the gate to the parking lot with a stop sign -- to make sure they were all wearing their seat belts.

In her current campaign, the only position Dole has taken (apart from favoring a "strong" military, "good" schools and "no" Chinese spying) is to support the ban on so-called "assault" weapons. But we need so-called "assault" weapons. Otherwise, some government busybody might get the bright idea of stopping us to make sure our seatbelts are fastened.