From the goldfish won at a school carnival who didn't make it home alive to the hamster who escaped from his cage and was never seen again to the cat or dog who has been in the family for years and is now taking a final trip to the veterinarian's, the death of a pet can be a wrenching experience for a child.
Though the death of a pet can be a sad and perhaps scary experience for a child, it is also a chance for parents to set a model for grief and death. For most children, this will be the first time they deal with death, and it's an opportunity to teach them how to deal with painful experiences.
Experts advise using activities to help children recognize and work through their emotions, such as having a child draw or paste a picture of the pet, or finish this sentence: "Thinking about (my pet's name) dying makes me feel ..." Such exercises allow parents, grandparents, teachers and other important adults in the lives of children to open avenues for discussion, as well as to help set the tone for appropriate ways of grieving.
Perhaps a little disconcerting to many parents, some experts even ask children to consider what's happened to their pet's body. Such openness is important with children, even though it may run counter to parents' own experience as a child. If you don't give children the answers to their questions, the answers they make up may be even worse than the truth. It's most important to be truthful and factual. Let the child know that it's OK to talk about anything, and it's OK to have the feelings they do.
Some other suggestions for parents:
-- Don't sugarcoat the facts. Parents need to remember not to use euphemisms. Telling a child a pet was "put to sleep" may leave the child afraid to fall asleep himself.
-- Follow the child's lead. Children may even benefit from seeing the body of the departed pet. Ask the child, and prepare by explaining the pet won't meow or won't lick.
-- Use more than words. Children are not as focused on words as we are. They may want to play the death scene over and over, which may be disturbing to adults, but it's their way of working through it. Children also can express their feelings through painting and drawing, and cutting and pasting.
-- Share you own grief, but don't burden your child. It's very important for a child to see your feelings and to know sadness is acceptable, but it's too much to ask your child to be your support at such times. Turn to other adults for this need.
-- Don't rush your child. Grief can be a long process.
While it isn't going to be easy, when handled well, the death of a pet can leave children well-prepared for the losses we all face in our lives.
A pet's death, in other words, can be a final gift of love and learning to a child.
Q&A
Antibiotics need
to be prescribed
Q: I asked my veterinarian to give me a prescription for antibiotics to keep on hand. My thinking is that it will save me a trip in the future, and time and money. Although she has often given me prescriptions to fill when it's cheaper to stock up, she said she couldn't give me antibiotics to use without a veterinary visit. Why won't she? -- via email
A: Antibiotics are everywhere and can be purchased with very little trouble, either at some pet stores (where they're labeled for fish) or through Internet sources. Is it a good idea to keep some on hand in case your pet gets sick? In a word, "no."
Antibiotics are one of the outstanding contributions of modern medicine and have saved countless lives of both the human and animal variety. But we have become so comfortable with these medicines and their frequent usage that we sometimes forget they are powerful drugs that should be used with care.
And yet, some pet lovers respond to any sign of illness by dosing -- and often overdosing -- their animals with antibiotics. But this course of action is a bad idea for several reasons.
First, not all antibiotics are the same. They each have their target bacteria, and they may little affect any bacteria they're not designed to combat, as well as bacteria that are resistant to them. And if your pet has a viral or fungal infection, an antibiotic will not help and may make matters worse.
Second, the regular use of antibiotics may hurt your pet's immune system and could lead to the development of antibiotic-resistant strains of bacteria that will be hard to stamp out even with the "right" medication.
And finally, the improper use or overuse of antibiotics presents an environmental hazard, potentially contaminating wastewater systems and polluting animal habitats.
When your pet is sick, your time and money would be better spent getting an accurate diagnosis and targeted treatment from an experienced veterinarian. And that's why you need to see your veterinarian before putting your pet on any antibiotic. -- Dr. Marty Becker
(Do you have a pet question? Send it to petconnection@gmail.com.)
THE BUZZ
Furry companions
encourage reading
-- Dogs can help children learn to read better. A study by the Cummings School of Veterinary Medicine at Tufts University found that over the course of a summer, children who read aloud to dogs slightly improved their ability to read. The practice also helped improve their positive attitude toward reading. On the other hand, the study showed students paired with adults for the reading sessions actually had a decline in both areas. One-third of children who were asked to read to other people dropped out of the study, while none of the students paired with dogs quit.
-- Cats in the wild need to hunt and eat up to 20 small animals each day in order to survive, according to the Indoor Pet Initiative at The Ohio State's College of Veterinary Medicine. This means cats sleep in between hunting sessions so they can build up enough strength to pounce quickly and effectively. Kittens begin to hunt alone at about 8 to 16 weeks of age.
-- Studies in the United States and Canada have shown that 40 to 50 percent of pig ears sold as dog treats are contaminated with salmonella. Handling these and other contaminated food products puts human health at risk. If your dog enjoys pig ears, individually wrapped ears are less likely to be contaminated than those stored in bulk bins, according to a report in The New York Times. And always wash hands after handling them. -- Dr. Marty Becker and Mikkel Becker
ABOUT PET CONNECTION
Pet Connection is produced by a team of pet-care experts headed by "Good Morning America" and "The Dr. Oz Show" veterinarian Dr. Marty Becker and award-winning journalist Gina Spadafori. The two are affiliated with Vetsteet.com and also the authors of many best-selling pet-care books. Dr. Becker can also be found at Facebook.com/DrMartyBecker or on Twitter at DrMartyBecker.