DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am planning a celebration of my late husband’s life, and being good to myself by having it catered. Nothing fancy, but I am worrying about how much food and drink to order.
In light of the current habit of disregarding a request for a response, could I include on the invitation something like, “If you attend without an RSVP, kindly do not eat or drink anything”? I am sorely tempted.
GENTLE READER: People are sorely tempted to do many things, but civilization is hinged on thwarting those baser desires.
Meanwhile, Miss Manners is left wondering how you would even go about policing those guests who show up unannounced. A rap on the hand as they reach for a shrimp? An elaborate pantomime of handing them a pretend glass and not filling it?
Unfortunately, the only proper thing to do with these brazen guests is to express surprise at their appearance. Courting insult in the form of threats is a rude and fruitless activity.
However, if you find yourself running low on refreshments and those same guests have the gall to complain, you may say, “Oh dear, I’m afraid that I only planned for those who told me they were attending.” And plan not to invite them next time.