DEAR MISS MANNERS: My wife and I have a long-term houseguest whom we love dearly. The problem is his princely attitude.
He never does a lick of work, and believes that our every waking moment should be devoted to his comfort and entertainment. He is constantly asking us for snacks, using our laps as lounging pillows, or insisting that we dangle strings or other bric-a-brac around him for his amusement. He also grooms constantly in front of us and leaves his hair everywhere. In all fairness, his toilet habits are excellent.
We’ve repeatedly pleaded with him to allow us some small measure of private time, but he apparently does not understand a lick of English. What universal etiquette rules or maxims can we cite when trying to reason with this guest?
GENTLE READER: As spoken admonitions are unlikely to be effective, Miss Manners recommends putting a treat in his bowl, placing it in the spare room and closing the door. This, of course, assumes your guest is your cat and not your grandson.