DEAR MISS MANNERS: I attended a luncheon at the home of a friend who had invited people she knew from several different places (church, neighborhood, work), so we did not all already know each other. I sat down next to a man and introduced myself with, “Hi, I’m (blank).”
He laughed and said, “Oh, I can never remember names.”
I was taken aback and thought this was very rude. I might not have remembered his name either, but I would not have told him I was going to make no effort to remember it. How would Miss Manners have handled this -- bearing in mind that I did not want the hostess to regret having invited me?
GENTLE READER: As you recognize, this is not the charming and apologetic admission of a common human failing that the speaker may think it is. That would be “I’m so sorry, but I have trouble remembering names. Please tell me yours again.”
What the preemptive declaration conveys is “I’m sure I’ll have no reason to want to know you better.”
In that case, Miss Manners would nod in acknowledgment, probably saying something as restrained as “I won’t trouble you,” before turning her attention to a more receptive guest.
(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)