DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have reached a stage in life where I know an increasing number of dead people. Or more accurately, a growing number of people I knew when they were alive have died recently.
I know you wear black to a funeral. But I find these days that many bereaved families prefer to hold small, formal, private funerals, followed some time later by a “celebration of life” that is somewhat more festive. I went to one recently at a beach club loved by the deceased. Another coming up is in a backyard with a taco truck.
What to wear? I wore a black dress with a colorful floral print to the beach club event, and my sister -- who wore all black -- scolded me, saying it was “too loud.” Maybe it was, but now I’m confused.
GENTLE READER: Well, it is a confusing event. You are being asked to mourn cheerfully and highly informally.
Indeed, it would be strange to show up behind that taco truck wearing a black hat. (You mean you don’t wear hats to traditional funerals held in houses of worship? Miss Manners does.)
Your costume seems a fitting compromise between mourning and celebrating; the etiquette error here is to critique other people’s choices, correct or otherwise.
(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)