Individuals soliciting charity for themselves are everywhere. The requests range from the heart-rending (people who cannot afford basic necessities such as food or medical care) to the grabby (the well-heeled newlyweds who don’t want to pay for that expensive honeymoon).
What is new is these individuals’ claims to be doing the good works associated with a charitable organization, a claim that is independent of financial condition.
Even the person who used to ask, “Brother, can you spare a dime?” now appeals to you to “Help the homeless” -- implying that anything you give will benefit more than the person making the request. In many ways, it is the natural progression of the panhandler who appeared not far from the White House some years ago with a sandwich-board sign that fancifully claimed status as a 501(c)(3) (a charitable organization recognized by the Internal Revenue Service).
The newlyweds, by contrast, provide the tools that charities introduced to make giving more convenient: one-click shopping from their registry or direct deposit to their bank account.
Miss Manners recognizes, with sadness and sympathy, that, unlike those newlyweds, many of our citizens are in genuine need. Charity is a touchy subject because one is forced both to confront real suffering, and to parse the genuine from the not.
But the Selfie Charity -- the pretense of being a corporation, not the act of asking for help -- is a cheat.
The motivation behind such actions is easy to understand. “Professionalizing the ask” converts even a solvent beggar into a doer of good works. It excuses any lingering embarrassment, allowing ever-greater fundraising goals. And it reduces the act to a commercial transaction, incidentally excusing the person who does not want to write thank-you notes or feel gratitude.
Not only is this disingenuous, not only can it be used to justify greed and ingratitude, but it demeans -- and misunderstands -- the work done by actual charities.
Charities selflessly work on behalf of others. This is not a virtue to which an individual recipient can lay claim. The requests of an individual can only be justified by great need. Not only is this uncomfortable, it is the reason that so many feel the call to do good works for others.
It is also ridiculous to think that professional charities do not express gratitude to their donors. Among the successful ones, saying “thank you” is one of their major activities. If your relatives are willing to pay the down payment on your new house, you have to thank them and be grateful. If you must have a reason to do so, let’s agree that it’s good for business.
And unlike a charity, individuals are barred from too overtly tailoring the level of their gratitude to the amount of the donation. Gifts to individuals are properly valued by the effort, thought and sacrifice of the giver, not the retail value of the gift. Whether or not the gift is as generous as was hoped, you still have to write a letter of thanks.