DEAR MISS MANNERS: My wife and I just had a baby (our first). We were obviously very excited, as were most of our family. However, my father-in-law has not shown the level of excitement we would have expected.
My father-in-law has not gotten us or our daughter a gift or even a card. He did visit briefly while my wife was in the hospital.
When my wife's sister had their first child, my father-in-law had a custom dresser made by a furniture maker. This dresser is easily a $700 to $1,000 piece of furniture.
My wife is starting to take this personally. It is becoming part of a long-standing situation in which my father-in-law discounts everything accomplished by my wife because her older sister has already done it. I want to say something to him but don't know that it is my place.
GENTLE READER: Are you really hoping to get into the middle of an age-old fight about which sister your father-in-law prefers?
While Miss Manners sympathizes with your disappointment in what you deem lesser treatment, really your only solid complaint is that you didn't get the $1,000 piece of furniture. Your father-in-law did acknowledge the new baby -- even if it was not with the measure of excitement you would have liked.
Asking why you didn't get the goods ("but Bethany did!") is not a polite grievance. You could, however, ask for the gift of his company -- and make concrete plans to arrange for it. Then if he still doesn't comply, you may wonder aloud what you or your wife did to upset him. But only if you are genuinely prepared to hear the answer, which may not be reasonable or pleasant.