DEAR MISS MANNERS: An acquaintance invited me to a party and specifically requested that I not bring my girlfriend. Evidently, my girlfriend's ex will be at the party, and the host does not want anyone to feel uncomfortable.
I thanked her for the invitation and politely declined, as I have a previous engagement. The next day she sent me a message stating that she doesn't normally operate this way.
Should I respond to the message? If so, how?
GENTLE READER: Your would-be hostess is trying to be gracious in a difficult situation without, unfortunately, succeeding.
It was rude to specify that your girlfriend was not invited, but not knowing you well, she may have feared that an invitation to you alone might be assumed to include any girlfriends, houseguests, poker buddies, and so on.
Miss Manners wonders on what basis she decided that your girlfriend and her ex should not be in the same room, and, specifically, whether a third party -- perhaps the ex -- was involved.
You were perfectly right to decline politely, with or without a prior engagement. If you wish to acknowledge that the hostess had good intentions, then you may reassure her that you perfectly understand and were sorry you were unable to attend.
(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)