DEAR MISS MANNERS: When my niece graduated from college, she did not send out announcements, nor did she want a party. None of the family was invited to the graduation -- it was local.
Now the graduate's family is mad because "gifts" were not sent acknowledging the "big day."
My take is that I wouldn't send a gift to a wedding to which I wasn't invited. And if it was a "big deal," why weren't we invited over for a small acknowledgment party (this family is not destitute)? What do you think?
GENTLE READER: You are far from the only person to hold the appalling idea that social milestones are commercial deals. You are not even the only person in your family to do so.
The misunderstanding seems to be that you believe that a present is warranted only as payment for entertainment, and the graduate's family believes that it is due anyway.
Miss Manners fears that it will shock you all to hear that presents are not mandatory as admission tickets to parties, and can never properly be demanded. They should be given when motivated by warm feelings. So why didn't you simply congratulate your niece?