DEAR MISS MANNERS: Due to various health conditions, medications and surgeries, I have fought a lifelong battle with weight gain, especially in the abdominal area. A few days ago, I got onto the elevator at work, followed by two women. One of them gave me the once-over and inquired when my baby was due.
I replied, "Not pregnant; just fat" and exited the elevator. Before the doors closed, I heard the other woman say, "How rude!"
I take exception to this. In my opinion the person who made an incorrect assumption and voiced it to a stranger was more rude than the one who corrected that assumption with a true statement.
What do you think? And if I was rude, what should the answer to that question have been?
GENTLE READER: While etiquette does not generally interest itself in motives, Miss Manners cannot answer without delving into yours and your questioner's.
The other woman was, without a doubt, presumptuous. It is rude to assess other people's stomachs. But was it meant to be insulting?
Your description of your response suggests that you wished to do more than set the record straight -- you wished to challenge her for her rudeness.
Well, then. Miss Manners understands your impatience. But she can think of more polite -- as well as more effective -- ways to do so. If you felt up to the acting challenge, an admission, with quivering lip, that you have struggled with weight gain all your life, followed by as hasty an exit as the elevator allowed would have left the offender feeling ashamed, rather than self-righteous.
(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)