DEAR MISS MANNERS: I'm one spouse in a biracial, same-sex marriage. It really rips me when waitpersons don't pick up on the fact that my husband and I are a couple (let alone spouses) and ask us whether we want separate checks. So much so that I make a significant deduction to their tip (up to 50 percent if they've done something else to annoy me).
I realize this isn't teaching them anything, but short of trying to engage an already annoying person in additional unwanted chatter, what can I do to make myself feel better about the situation? Do you have any thoughts, please?
GENTLE READER: Chiefly that you stop overthinking this.
How, exactly, would you propose teaching service people to recognize that two people, of whatever race or gender, are a couple? Eavesdropping to discover if they are discussing whether the washing machine should be fixed or replaced? Checking to see if they are playing footsie under the table?
And what if they are a couple, unmarried or married, who keep separate accounts? Or one of them is taking the other out for a special treat?
Sadly, Miss Manners shouldn't think you would have to work that hard to find evidence of prejudice.