DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband's daughter had her first child on my birthday. I'm trying not to appear selfish, but the first birthday next year, which is many months away, is already being planned. My husband wants me to go to the city the night before (actual birthday) for a visit and nice dinner, just the two of us. The next day will be all about baby.
I don't particularly care for the city she lives in, and it would not be a vacation destination for me. Plus, all the wonderful recommendations given over the years have not been to my taste.
How do I politely tell my husband that this is not how I want to celebrate my birthday? I feel I need to set a precedent.
Let me also say that I have told him many times he can visit on his own as often as he wishes without any repercussions at home, as I appreciate the "me time."
GENTLE READER: Do you really think that you can set up a competition between yourself and an infant grandchild without appearing selfish?
Grown-ups are supposed to be -- well, mature. If you want your birthday dinner to be in your own city, why can't you have it before or after the actual day? George Washington and Abraham Lincoln regularly move their birthdays around for the convenience of others.
Miss Manners can relieve you of the worry about setting precedents. Once the child is in preschool, he or she will want to have birthday parties for playmates, and will be flexible to receive relatives on another day. And you will have been out-matured.