DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it impolite to ask to be in someone's wedding party, or is it OK? And does it make any difference if it is a young girl/child who is a family member?
Situation: Wedding plans are all set. Four weeks before the wedding, the uncle of the bride contacts her, saying his young daughter would like to know if she could be a bridesmaid or flower girl.
The bride is now feeling awkward and doesn't know how to respond. Bottom line is that she doesn't want another flower girl or bridesmaid, but the question of etiquette is also in debate.
GENTLE READER: It is true that one should not volunteer to be a wedding attendant; one should wait to be asked. But you are talking about a little girl, the bride's cousin, who is overexcited about the wedding. Don't you find a bit of mitigating charm in that?
The uncle would have been better advised to tell his daughter that being a wedding guest is itself an honor, and to divert her attention to what she will wear, how much she will enjoy the wedding cake, and so on. If he felt close enough to confess her wish to the bride, he should have apologetically explained her enthusiasm and merely asked if there were some tiny task she could do.
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