DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is self-introduction by first name only ever appropriate?
I have noticed that in large party settings where one is apt to meet lots of people whom he can reasonably expect never to encounter again, the self-introduction rituals often omit last names.
GENTLE READER: You mean people still have surnames? It is a long time since Miss Manners heard one without having to ask.
In business, the idea seems to be to cloak identity. You are dealing with someone who will give only the name of Gary, and when you return or call back -- perhaps to complete the transaction, perhaps to complain -- you are asked, "Which Gary? We have several."
Similarly, it is done for protection when strangers are thrown together or meet on purpose to check one another out, in case it may turn out that no further contact is wanted.
So when this is done in a safe social situation, such as you describe, it does seem as if there is an assumption that no thorough introduction is necessary because there is unlikely to be a further relationship. And that is a bit off-putting.
All the same, Miss Manners realizes that the habit of volunteering only one's first name at parties is rarely intended to be snobbish. It is intended to be something sillier -- a sign of eschewing grown-up manners.
But doing so to people whom one might like to know better works against the strange ways of modern society. How can you Google someone whose surname is unknown to you? How can you find that person's Facebook entry?
So one day, surnames will be reinvented. Perhaps then people will derive their surnames from their occupations or characteristics, such as happened some centuries ago when the world began to be filled with Smiths and Strongs.
And Miss Manners will have to become -- Miss Manners.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I were invited to a (sort-of) wedding. I say sort-of because the invitation went something like this:
You are not invited to the actual wedding. You are invited to view a recording of the wedding, which will be held at a certain hour. After viewing the recording of the wedding, you are invited to the reception.
And, since the couple has lived together as man and wife, they have all the household stuff they need. However, you are asked to bring money for the "money tree."
Ha! Did they really think money grew on trees?
Would you, Miss Manners, have even bothered to spend $4 on a congratulatory card, plus what it cost to mail the card? Do you feel I wasted my money, considering the couple's stupid request?
GENTLE READER: Probably. You could have saved a few dollars by using a piece of plain paper to decline the invitation and wish the couple happiness.
Miss Manners would not, however, have begrudged the stamp. A couple who invites you to their -- well, perhaps not to their wedding, but to their wedding reception -- however crudely, deserves a polite reply.
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