DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a baseball fan, but my enjoyment is spoiled by the distasteful TV views of spitting by players, coaches and even umpires.
Please tell your readers (hopefully many players, too) that their habits are gross, not appreciated and a very bad example to kids. Ditto for the probable underlying causes, including chewing tobacco, seeds or what ever else they chew. They can relieve their anxiety or boredom with a stick of gum (not bubble) if necessary. The TV broadcasters could use a little common sense, too, by not capturing the spitting on close-ups. Will you help?
GENTLE READER: What -- and get killed? And not only by those who believe that spitting is a time-honored, if not sacred, tradition among baseball players, but by those who are indignant that gum-chewing was not also condemned.
Nor does Miss Manners want to take on the task of refining television, which does not strike her as a promising proposition.
Lest you believe this to be cowardice, she hastens to explain that although she dislikes vulgarity as much as you or more, she disagrees with your approach. Television in general, and athletes in particular, can hardly be expected to serve as models of decorum.
But bad examples can serve as examples, too. Children will always be exposed to the variety of human behavior, and it is the job of the responsible adults they know, such as parents, teachers and clergy, to teach them to evaluate it. A parent who shares the child's admiration for a player's prowess, but then says, "Eeew, disgusting" when he spits will elicit a giggle. But the parent's influence will linger, all the same, when the athlete's fades.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: As the worship team at church led moving and inspirational songs, a woman behind me was talking rather loudly to the woman next to her, which was interfering with the worship experience. Another woman, sitting nearby, gave me a look of frustration, as if to confirm that she was also quite disturbed.
Hoping that the talking would end soon, I turned back to the worship team. When it didn't stop, I turned again to look at the women. I didn't have a nasty look on my face, as I was only hoping to draw their attention to the fact that they could be heard, which I assumed would cause them to be quiet. Unfortunately, this didn't work.
Finally, I simply leaned across the row between us to get their attention, which was difficult to do because they were so wrapped up in their conversation, and I very politely asked them to please quiet down. Before I turned back around, I noticed the woman nearby smiling at me gratefully.
I was then able to finish worshipping without distraction.
The problem is that I've continued to feel guilty about it. Should I have handled the situation differently?
GENTLE READER: Why? You made your objection politely, and furthermore, it worked. You, the other lady and everyone around were allowed to worship in peace.
So whatever guilt you feel now, Miss Manners had nothing to do with engendering it. Please unload it on your minister.
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