DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a friend who has never used words such as "please," "thank you," etc.
She ?will not ask if I can help her with rides, etc. (she does not have a car). ?She just comments to others that she will get a ride with me. She offered one time to help pay with gas money and never paid up.
I feel like I am being used and taken ?advantage of. I am not the only one, as my sister is also on the receiving ?end of this treatment.
When we pick her up for events (which is ?approximately three times a week), she does not greet us and more often than ?not gives us the silent treatment for the duration of the ride. She is also ?notorious for putting us on the spot and calling me on the spur of the ?moment to take her to do errands. I usually end up turning her down simply because 1) I have already done my errands for the week, 2) I do not have ?extra gas money or gas to make extra trips across town and 3) I have other ?plans.
As for money, she says she doesn't have the extra money (which I know for ?hard-fact is not true). She gets reduced rent from the government, food ?stamps, help paying utilities and a Social Security check every month. Her husband has a good, steady job and income. And I have been shopping with her and she can always afford to buy movies and DVDs and eat out at expensive places.
I?can't help it that she doesn't budget her money. But the money isn't even an issue with me -- if she would just use some simple, basic manners. I ?honestly don't mind helping her -- she is younger and recently been making serious efforts to clean up her life, but I am at my wits' end. I would like to believe that she is not doing this on purpose, but enough is enough.
GENTLE READER: Let us see if Miss Manners understands this situation correctly:
Your friend does not use the most basic of common courtesies toward you. She orders you around. She does not consider the possibility that she may be inconveniencing you. She expects favors that you have not volunteered. She makes no attempt to compensate you or to reciprocate. She maintains silence rather than make conversation with you.
And we won't even go into the matter of her taking government assistance that is intended for the poor, such as food stamps, when the family has a good income.
Would you mind explaining to Miss Manners why you consider this a friendship?
She is sorry to disappoint you, but manners cannot be encouraged or taught unless the underlying premise exists that the feelings of other people matter. She would have thought this a requirement for friendship.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have recently heard that it is the responsibility of the groom's parents to pay for the honeymoon. Is this correct?
GENTLE READER: No, that is a traditional responsibility of the bridegroom's. If he is unable to meet it, he has failed the bride's father's traditional test of eligibility to be married.
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