DEAR MISS MANNERS: Last week I went out with several girlfriends to a dinner and a movie. We split the bill, which was double what my order was since I didn't have drinks, no problem.
Then we headed to the movies and found our seat. I never buy anything at movie theaters because I think it's way too expensive, but my friends went out and bought a huge tray of stuff. When the one woman went to take her seat, she asked me to hold the tray. I waited for her to take it back after she was seated, but she seemed to want me to be a "table."
I shifted positions, and the popcorn spilled all over. It was piled on top of other things, and was at a slant. If I would have reached for it I would have dropped everything.
Should I have then paid for the popcorn I spilled? They asked me to replace it, and I just sat there in a huff and said it wasn't my fault. After all of them had finished their popcorn, they wanted me to then hold the remains, too, which I declined. I'd appreciate your thoughts.
GENTLE READER: Is there a step missing here? After they finished what popcorn?
Did you give in and buy them more? Did they buy it themselves? Or did they eat the spilled popcorn from the floor?
Never mind; Miss Manners has a more pressing question: What sort of friendship is this? Suppose she were to dictate exactly who should pay for what? Would that leave all of you enjoying one another's company in a spirit of tolerance and good will?
Here are the sorts of things friends can say in a perfectly good-natured way under these circumstances:
"Let's change places so you can both get at the popcorn."
"Whoops, sorry. But I tried to get you to take it back."
"Take it out of the extra money I put into the lunch bill, because I didn't have drinks."
But that presumes a spirit of friendship characterized by tolerance, fairness and even generosity. If all of you had that, you could have said, "Sorry, let me get you some more," with the confidence that your friends would have replied, "Don't be silly, we'll get it."
DEAR MISS MANNERS: My dearest and oldest friend came for dinner the other night, along with other invited guests. It was a pleasant occasion with interesting conversation -- until her cell phone rang its little rumba melody. She answered and proceeded to chat -- totally causing all discussions to come to a screeching halt. Dinner resumed, and a short time later, the cell again rang. Please do advise me how to gently but firmly ask that a cell phone be far away from our dining room table.
GENTLE READER: It appears that your dearest and oldest friend would rather talk to anyone than to you. Nor does she have any qualms about ruining your dinner party.
Why you would invite her back, Miss Manners cannot imagine. But if you should, take the precaution of asking whether she would be free then, or on call. Should she admit to being available for calls, you should tell her you will invite her another time, when she is free. And should she go ahead and take calls at your table, you should get up and take her gently by the elbow and steer her into another room.
: