DEAR MISS MANNERS: For my high school reunion, I am planning to make nametags for the attendees that includes a photograph scanned from our yearbook. I'm hoping that this will ease the embarrassment and hurt feelings of not remembering or being remembered by someone who sat behind you in homeroom for four years.
Does Miss Manners approve, or is this too cruel for anyone who is hoping that everyone will forget what they looked like in high school?
Also, what should I do about classmates who have changed their names? Normally maiden names wouldn't belong on a nametag, but would a high school reunion be a special case? Would it be proper to say "Beth Baker Jones," even if Beth thinks of herself as Beth Marie Jones? Or should it be "Beth Baker (Jones)," "Beth (Baker) Jones," or perhaps "Beth Jones, nee Baker?" Should I give up and just have everyone write their own name on their badge? Or maybe I should dispense with nametags altogether, and shame on the person who doesn't go through their yearbook to refresh their memory beforehand!
For my husband's college reunion, we worked out a code. If someone obviously remembered my husband, but he couldn't remember their name, he'd say, "Have you met my wife?" That was my cue to cheerfully shove out my hand for a shake and say, "Hi, I'm Kate!" That forced them to give me their name without waiting for George to make the introduction. After hearing the name, George could usually follow with some sort of pleasantry about how "Anne was in my sophomore bio class."
I reasoned that it was better to appear a little unrefined than to hurt feelings, and no one seemed to realize that George had forgotten their name.
However, does Miss Manners have a more gracious solution? And what about when it's me who has momentarily blanked on an old friend's name?
GENTLE READER: Cast your mind back to high school for a minute. Did you ever have to take a test for which you were unprepared, in a subject in which you were not particularly good?
If you are past your fifth reunion, that subject, for the entire class, is people's names. Well, not for the kid who parlayed his ability to recall the entire class' parents' names and interests into a political career, but for everyone else.
So all the help you can give people in the way of nametags, pictures and introductions will be appreciated. (Full high school name with any current name change below -- people can only read so fast.) Miss Manners' impression is that looking better than one's high school picture is not what embarrasses people; it's looking worse.
Most importantly, go around introducing yourself to everyone else so that they can fake having remembered you all along.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: My son is marrying, and his father and I are divorced. I now have a female life partner (for 10 years); he (son's father) has not remarried. What are the rules about where we are seated at the wedding and the reception/dinner?
GENTLE READER: Miss Manners' new rule is that parents and their attachments should be seated wherever they may be expected to have a reasonably pleasant and civilized dinner. Whether that is near or far in your particular case, you know better than she.
: