DEAR MISS MANNERS: My fiance has friends that just show up at his house on the weekends without calling. He doesn't necessarily like it, but he doesn't stop it, either.
I stay at his house on the weekends and I will be moving in later this year. I think that it is very rude for his friends to stop over and not even call first.
On the weekends I like to lounge around in my pajamas and do things around his house. I enjoy my privacy, especially since I deal with lots of people at work during the week. I do not appreciate his friends stopping over and not calling to see if it is even a convenient time.
I told him that when I move in, I will not stand for his friends to just come over anytime they want. I think out of respect for me, and whether or not the house is even appropriate for company, they should call at least an hour in advance to give me time to get dressed and make the house presentable.
He says that he can't control his friends from doing it. I say that he can.
Am I asking too much? Am I wrong to think it is rude for people to just drop in?
GENTLE READER: You are asking too much, in that you expect him to accept your indignation, rather than the willingness to compromise by which married people accommodate each other, as sufficient reason to change his living habits.
Your assumption, which you are asking Miss Manners to endorse, is that dropping in is wrong in itself. And so it is -- except when the host welcomes it, which is what your fiance has been doing.
Your plea to him should be to do this for your sake -- not because you "won't stand for it" -- as Miss Manners hopes you make adjustments for his sake. It would help if you offered to tell them by saying, "We both love to see you, but now we need to know in advance when you would like to visit."
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I did not receive thank-you notes for gifts I mailed to friends for numerous occasions, including surprise birthday parties we were unable to attend, baby gifts and housewarming gifts. However, I did see my friends sometime afterwards and my gift was never brought up.
Should I have asked them if they received my gift, or just assumed that they did and not embarrass them? I know there are busy people in this world, but I believe if we take the time to purchase, mail and think of another, it is nice to acknowledge by note, phone call or in person.
GENTLE READER: By all means, ask them. If the packages did not arrive, Miss Manners presumes you will want to know. And if they did, you will also want to know so you can cross them off your shopping list.
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