DEAR MISS MANNERS: How does one respond when a gentleman whom one has been dating for seven months says "I love you," and one does not feel ready to respond in kind? He is smart, funny, kind and handsome and I greatly enjoy his company, but saying "I love you" feels too soon at this stage. I really like him, but I'm not sure that I "love" him. I usually respond "Thank you," "I like you" or with a big hug, but I wonder if there is a better way to respond.
GENTLE READER: Usually? How many of these paragons do you have?
There is no better way to divest yourself of a suitor than to respond perfectly politely to his declaration of passion. The days when a lady could get away with protesting, "This is so sudden -- I had no idea you felt that way -- you've thrown me into such a state of confusion that I don't know how I feel" are past.
But as Miss Manners comes to think of it, why should they be over? This statement is charming, contains no promises and allows the gentleman the satisfaction of seeing that his declaration has stirred the lady's emotions. This is an excellent way to buy time with a gentleman who is smart, funny, kind, handsome and good company and may also turn out to be loveable.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a new position with a very small company, four employees including myself, and am learning the office procedures along with the likes and dislikes of the female franchise owner. I sit at the front desk and visitors who come into the office are not able to see me unless I stand up or they walk up to the very high podium that I unintentionally hide behind.
When a male client came into the office to speak to the owner, they were both standing in front of me at the podium talking. The owner introduced me to the client and I offered a handshake as friendly response. When the male client left the office, my female boss told me that I should have also stood up to shake his hand so that he wouldn't have to reach over the high podium.
I responded that a lady never stands up when introduced to a gentleman, and also it is the lady who decides whether or not she is going to offer her hand.
Is this a right assumption about office etiquette on my part? I added the hand offering to let her know I wasn't being rude by not standing up. If so, how do I respond to her statement, "That's right, but while in my office I want you stand up when I introduce you to someone."
What is the proper office etiquette when meeting someone new? What is your opinion of a boss who makes this request to an employee?
GENTLE READER: That she understands business better than her employee. And that she is the boss. Miss Manners counts two reasons that you should not attempt to lower the standard of courtesy your boss requires.
A third is that you are mistaken. The manners you cite are traditional social manners, unrelated to business, where your status is defined by your job, not your gender. Rising to greet visitors is a proper show of deference, especially when you are the person up front and they would otherwise be confronted with a massive piece of furniture and a mysterious presence lurking behind it.
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