DEAR MISS MANNERS: OK, I have to admit it: I've been dumped. I am an attractive, intelligent and adventurous young woman, but the guy I was with simply stopped appreciating those qualities.
I was actually drawn to this man at first because he treated me so well (despite the fact that he wasn't tall or gorgeous), but as time went by, and particularly after he got laid off from his job, he gradually became less and less considerate, until I realized that he just wasn't interested anymore. We parted amiably when I told him that we could just be friends if that was what he wanted. But I tried to e-mail him a few days ago, and I was refused, so he obviously doesn't even want that.
My question is, how should a woman scorned treat the man who scorned her? We had signed up for dance classes together and thus are still seeing one another, so how should I treat him at the next (and last) class?
GENTLE READER: This is a lesson you would have learned had you taken the old-fashioned involuntary dance class when you were pubescent.
You would have been instructed to be polite to all the boys, whether you liked them or not, and to dance with whoever asked you. When you saw the class geek heading your way, you would have had to go through the correct motions, at least while Miss Terpsichore's steely eye was upon you, but you would have made your smile such that he would have stumbled backward trying to get away.
Miss Manners is not saying this is a charming technique to use on a nervous youth (who probably grew up to be a dashing tycoon, but that's another story), only that under the circumstances, it might be useful.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have tried to adopt a policy for myself and my children of sending thank-you notes promptly and consistently; however, I have run into a possible gray area when it comes to the spontaneous gifts my mother bestows on my kids. She lives about 10 minutes away from us and drops by regularly with little surprises for my girls (aged 8 and 9), gifts ranging from candy bars to new CDs or outfits. My kids always give her their verbal thanks, of course, and for larger gifts I've sometimes had them send notes as well.
In an intimate relationship such as the one between grandchild and doting grandparent, especially with the parties having frequent contact with each other, is there ever a time when a thank-you note is not required? I understand that relaying written gratitude is never inappropriate, but is it ever unnecessary? And is the value of the gift really the determining factor? In this instance, my mother -- the Miss Manners of my childhood -- is the one who thinks I go overboard on thank-you notes, so it's a bit of a quandry for me!
GENTLE READER: That is nothing compared to the tizzy in which you have put Miss Manners. Accustomed to a world of ingrates, she is astonished at the concept of excessive letters of thanks.
But yes, a written letter of gratitude for a candy bar from Grandmamma down the street would be excessive. Except for extraordinary items (measured in terms of sentiment more than money), presents enthusiastically received first hand do not require such letters.
Far be it from Miss Manners, however, to discourage children from the practice. Wouldn't it be charming if you just had them write their grandmother an occasional letter, unattached to any particular little treat, saying how lucky they feel to have her nearby?
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