Because it is vulgar to adorn oneself with too many valuables, there has long been a rule cautioning ladies to protect themselves against the danger of looking flashy. Miss Manners learned it from her dear mother:
"When you believe you are perfectly dressed, and are quite satisfied with your appearance, before you go out, remove one piece of jewelry."
So that she would never forget, Miss Manners copied this rule onto the back of a photograph of Queen Alexandra, who is demurely pictured wearing five different diamond necklaces stacked as chokers, diamond drop earrings, two snake bracelets, nine brooches, five jeweled orders and a crown. At least that is all that is visible in this particular pose, which is only a three quarter view, and shows her turned slightly to the side. Presumably the jewels nestling on one shoulder are matched on the other, and there seems to be something glittery peeking out from under the arm in which she is carrying a jeweled fan.
Miss Manners has always wondered what it was that the dear lady removed.
The rule is just as good today as it was then, and probably just as faithfully followed. When today's ladies are dressed to face the world, they should check their appearance and remove one valuable object.
But what will it be?
The security identification on a chain around the neck? The telephone hitched onto the belt? The personal organizer sticking out of the jacket pocket?
Something's got to go, and the one earring that was taken off in order to answer the telephone doesn't count.
Miss Manners is not so much worried about ladies looking flashy as she is about their being overburdened. It seems that the more convenient and miniaturized a lady's necessaries become, the more things she has to pin or chain to her clothes.
In addition to the likelihood of resembling an electronic bulletin board, there is the danger of pitching forward from the weight. If shoulder bags and backpacks weren't required for everything a lady must haul but can't actually hang or pin on herself, they would still be needed for ballast.
Ladies didn't used to need security tags. But, of course, that was in days long past, as far back as six months ago. However, they had even more utilitarian objects to hang on themselves or their clothing:
Before the invention of the wristwatch, watches were worn on the lapel, hanging from little matching brooches, or as rings for the fingers. Eyeglasses might be attached to an elastic band to hang on their own brooch, or worn on a chain around the neck.
Also to be worn on the fingers were rings with tiny chains attached to clasps, to hold handkerchiefs, or to larger mesh circlets to hold gloves, or to tussy-mussies for holding nosegays.
Coin purses and key rings were made with short chains and hooks to fit on the belt. So were skirt lifters (for lifting the long skirt slightly above the ground when the street was messy; what did you think?).
Then there was the chatelaine, the wide brooch from which all sorts of miniaturized-but-useful things might dangle on chains: scissors, pencils, notebooks, stamp holders, needle cases, thimbles, pin holders, button hooks, pen knives, spoons, pill boxes, mirrors, perfume bottles, vinagrettes, nutmeg graters and boxes to hold beauty marks.
Presumably, a fastidious lady did not wear them all at the same time. Before she went out, she might have removed the stamp holder.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have never adjusted to the everyday assumed intimacy by acquaintances and strangers. When I am asked my first name, I find that answering "Mrs." is very helpful -- the other person will then ask for my last name and nothing more is said. This usually solves my problem and often brings a smile.
GENTLE READER: Is it possible that you and Miss Manners are related? She has never countenanced instant intimacy, either, preferring the voluntary kind; she also imparts this information gently to people who assume otherwise -- and she has the good fortune to bear the given name of Miss.
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