uExpress.com: Maggie Gallagher by Maggie Gallagher -- (07/12/1999) ONE FLESH, TWO MOUTHS -- THE SPOUSE PROBLEM

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ONE FLESH, TWO MOUTHS -- THE SPOUSE PROBLEM

07/12/1999

Oh, the awkwardness of having a spouse! Marriage makes you one flesh with two entirely unrelated sets of mouths.

Once upon a time, having a spouse was a simple political asset. Her job (they were all hers in those days) was simple: Smile adoringly and say nothing controversial. But now?

First, Elizabeth Dole had to listen to her Beloved Bob "E.D." Dole give his half-hearted political estimate of her chances to reporters. ("But Honeybuns, moi? Look like a political fool for love?") And by the way, why couldn't he take up literacy, like a normal First Gentleman-in-Waiting?

Next, U.S. News and World Report reports the first lady, who is running for a New York Senate seat, was (gasp!) actually planning on moving to New York. Her spouse (that's President Clinton) took it upon himself to put the kibosh to that evil rumor. "If she runs for the Senate, she'll obviously have to spend a lot more time there (in New York)," Clinton said in an interview on CNN's "Late Edition" late in June. "But it will be like an incumbent member of Congress running for re-election." That is, she'll have to spend a lot more time in New York, and we'll have to get a place there for her to be while she's spending the time there.

Silly me. I thought senators lived in states and spent time in Washington, rather than the other way around. Any of you voters under the misimpression that Mrs. Clinton was actually planning to become a New Yorker, prior to running for Senate, you stand corrected. From the highest places.

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But the award for Most Difficult Political Spouse of the season goes to the first lady of Mississippi, Pat Fordice. In mid-June her husband, Gov. Kirk Fordice, issued a press release announcing plans to divorce after 44 years of marriage. "Equitably and with dignity," he said, so he could marry widow Ann Creson, his junior high sweetheart. This last part made the dignity part a little hard for Mrs. Fordice.

It was also a little embarrassing for Dan "I Never Committed Adultery" Quayle (Gov. Fordice is a major supporter). Anyway, Mrs. Fordice issued her own press announcement: "Her present inclination is to not have a divorce take place anytime in the near future," said her lawyer, L.C. James.

This was the second time the guv announced their impending divorce. Back in 1993, just a short time after taking the office he and his wife had campaigned so hard for, Fordice announced to the press they had "irreconcilable differences." One of those differences turned out to be whether he was going to kick her out of the governor's mansion.

I know there is a lot of human tragedy behind this story. I can't help the fact that it cheers me up. There's a public script for divorce that the powerful governor was counting on his wife playing along with. After your husband has announced publicly that he doesn't want you anymore, what can any self-respecting woman do but give in, go quietly into the good night?

Stick to her guns, that's what. Refuse to cooperate in making look pretty what is an ugly, if common, contemporary maneuver: kicking out your life partner, the mother of your children, to make room for someone you now like better.

The law, of course, doesn't care what Mrs. Fordice wants, and neither apparently does Gov. Fordice. Her reprieve, based on fear of voters' reactions to what would be so visibly forcible divorce, is about to run out. Fordice leaves office in six months, and he's not likely to feel kindly toward the lady that bucked him in public.

But I do.

(Readers may reach Maggie Gallagher at GallagherIAV@Yahoo.com.)