09/08/2010DEAR ABBY: I am a 46-year-old man who has been divorced for six months. I recently moved down to South Florida for a new job. I am trying out the dating scene, but it has been difficult because I was married for 10 years.
Abby, it's hard to find decent, intelligent women down here. All the women I have dated so far have had breast implants. These not only look strange, but also feel uncomfortable during intimate moments. These women get a lot of looks from other men who gawk at their chests when we're together.
Would it be wrong of me to ask a woman, say within the first few dates, if her breasts are real? I don't care if they're big or small, I just want them real. -- NEEDS A REAL WOMAN IN FLORIDA
DEAR NEEDS A REAL WOMAN: I do not recommend asking women you have just met if their breasts are "real." It could lead to a punch in the nose. I am recommending you visit some dating sites and, in the area where you are asked to list "interests," you state "intelligent women who have not had plastic surgery." I'm sure you'll find many. Of course, whether you have what they're looking for remains to be seen.
P.S. One final thought: If a boob job (forgive the vernacular) has been successful, it is difficult if not impossible to detect. I have this on good authority.
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married for two months and together for two years. While we were dating, I learned that "Mario" cheated on me during our first year of dating. When I confronted him, he told me he didn't know why, but that he loved me with all his heart. A few months later, he asked me to marry him and I accepted.
A few days ago I discovered that not only did he cheat on me with several women, but also with several men. Mario says he didn't know how to tell me about his past because it was "disgusting" to him so he blocked it out of his mind.
Had he told me all this before we married, I would not have gone through with it. I am now totally confused about his sexuality. Mario says it was "just a phase" -- it was in the past. He says he's a changed man and he wants to be with me. I don't know what to believe anymore because all he does is lie to me. Please help me. -- BROKENHEARTED AND CONFUSED IN TEXAS
DEAR BROKENHEARTED: The first thing you need to do is get checked for STDs and HIV, because you may have been exposed to some of them during the "phase" your husband "blocked out of his mind." Whether Mario admits it or not, he is bisexual. Next, go online to www.StraightSpouse.org and you will find the help and support you are looking for.
Because you can't trust your husband to be honest, you will have to take care of yourself now. Please don't put it off because your emotional and physical health could depend upon it. On the plus side, be thankful there are not children involved. A man who always lies isn't just a poor husband; he would make an even worse role model.
TO MY JEWISH READERS: At sundown, Rosh Hashanah, the Jewish New Year, starts, the beginning of our time of solemn introspection. "Leshana tova tikatevu" -- may each of you be inscribed in the Book of Life and have a good year.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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