Decision Not to Be in Sister's Wedding Is News that Should Be Shared Now

DEAR ABBY: My family is the definition of dysfunctional. We all honestly could use some therapy after everything we've been through. I feel like I'm the only rational person in my family. I am the only one who sought professional help.

My sister "Alexa" is a narcissist. I realized it a long time ago. My mother is in denial, and she continues to push me to have a relationship with her. Speaking to Alexa is emotionally draining. Every time she's mentioned, I get flashbacks about the ways she abused me. Being in the same room with her is uncomfortable. The saving grace is that we live a thousand miles apart, and I'm not forced to interact with her daily.

She's getting married next year and wants me and my children to be in the wedding. I accepted because I felt obligated, but I just can't do it anymore. I don't want to do it anymore! After all the years of her abuse and torment, I just want to be free. The problem: I finally put my foot down and told Alexa not to contact me again. Am I being selfish? -- SELFISH IN THE EAST

DEAR SELFISH: I don't think so. However, because you accepted that responsibility before telling her not to contact you again, you should contact her and ask if she has changed her plans about you and your children being in her wedding. (You may be pleasantly surprised to find her answer is yes.) However, if she hasn't, be upfront with her now so your sister will have time to replace you in her wedding party.

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