DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married for five years. He's always been a jokester, which is OK, except for the way he does it. He knows what pushes my buttons, so his jokes are geared toward that. At first, I ignore it, but when he persists, I get mad. Then he accuses me of overreacting and calls me unreasonable for getting mad because he's "only joking."
If a husband knows what pushes your buttons and makes you yell at him (which I never did before I met him), isn't that playing with your emotions for his own entertainment? I'm not the only one he does this to. His daughter has been on the receiving end many times. He claims she's being unreasonable, too. I have asked him to stop, but he doesn't. It's affecting our relationship. I almost feel like he's gaslighting me. What say you, Abby? -- PUSHING MY BUTTONS
DEAR PUSHING: I say you are absolutely right. Your husband's behavior is emotionally abusive, not funny. It would be interesting to know how years of that kind of treatment have affected his daughter. The effects of a parent's ridicule can remain with a child into adulthood.
Because you haven't been able to get through to him, perhaps you should enlist the assistance of a licensed marriage counselor. If he refuses to go with you, you should go by yourself. And if nothing changes, ask yourself if this is how you are prepared to spend the rest of your life.