DEAR ABBY: My mother-in-law is very ill and is preparing for the end. I feel bad for my spouse -- this will be a great loss. However, my mother-in-law and I have never been close. She has been very negative about me, mostly behind my back. I have tolerated her and complained only to my spouse.
When the end comes, I know many people will express sympathy for "my loss." I won't be feeling remorse, but a sense of relief. Is there a kind way of stating that it is not a sad time for me because of our strained relationship? -- THE END IS NEAR
DEAR END: Much as you might like to express those feelings publicly, I don't advise it. It would be inappropriate and reflect badly on you. If someone offers condolences, say, "Thank you, how kind of you," and keep the rest to yourself. If you do otherwise, you will be validating every bad thing that woman said behind your back.